Did you know that the heart of the blue whale is the size of a Volkswagen Beetle? Just the heart.
I don't know what that has to do with anything, but I think it's remarkable. Every time I see a VW Beetle on the road I immediately think about the size of the blue whale's heart, and how much power that heart possesses. In comparison, the human heart is roughly the size of the human fist, which at the end of the day is neither daunting nor remarkable. Don't even get me started on the size of the blue whale's mouth, though, it can fit 400 to 600 people inside! (Depending on its maturity). The next time you bite off more than you chew think about what a whale must chew to "say" the same thing.
Wow, right?
SONG OF THE DAY:
SONG OF THE RUN:
I got a bit lost the other day and ended up running 11 miles in order to make it back home...this song got me through many a mile...
Friends see things. Great friends put things in perspective.
I really feel as though my life has been a trampoline this past year. The whole notion that I keep hitting rock bottom, makes no logical sense when put into context. In order to hit bottom over and over again, you have to get back up, and that is something in and of itself. I do get back up. I might fail, but I get back up. And that is worth something.
It was after a phonecall the other night, when a great friend helped to put things in perspective for me. Through the laughter, she helped me sort out some really important truths in my life: relationships, current location, and my overall potential. This friend has seen me at my best and worst, my lowest and my highest, my most stressed and my calmest (and all while working at the same place! hahah) While I continue to learn about myself, I can't excuse what people/friends/family learn about me...from their perspective. What better way to know something than to see it from all of its angles?
On my run yesterday, I didn't disappear in thought. I focused. I put everything that was last year into my run. All the hate, sadness, joy, rejection, and laughter went into this run. I busted out 2 miles in 13 minutes and 14 seconds. I didn't get lost in my music, which was extremely weird--I've never not been lost in the lyrics, absorbed in the beat.
It was in this new state of clarity that I was able to silence myself and simply run, and for that, I thank you.
In this new found silence I was able to hear someone ask me to join their soccer league. So, here I am, the newest (and youngest) member of the "True Age" soccer team. Yep, that's right--I now play soccer on Friday nights with moms and dads in their thirties and forties who played competitive soccer in college when I was an adolescent. Naturally, words cannot describe my excitement. I'll keep you posted on the game outcomes.
PUMP-UP SONG OF THE PAST TWO DAYS:
I don't understand his outfit in this video, but who am I to judge.
I talk to myself all the time.
Like all the time.
I'm talking to myself right now.
I remember sitting in a class in middle school learning about the value of communication--not necessarily with others, but with ourselves. I should probably point out that the class was called "People Skills." It was an elective, and yet I never elected to take it, I was placed there due to "scheduling conflicts" Suuuure thing, boss.
I love talking to myself. Some of my best conversations have been with myself, and frankly, I'm beginning to seriously wonder about this "eccentricity" (for lack of a better/kinder word). Why is it that I can never shut off?
Last night I had a terrible dream that I tore my ACL while running in the rain. I awoke this morning and decided to continue on with my training for a half-marathon in the late Fall. However, it was throughout my run this morning, both on the trail and the hill that I could not drop this thought. It felt as though with every single step I was taking I was one step closer to blowing my knee and being stuck. From there my brain wandered into the "then what" territory, which always makes me nervous--how can I stay in this LITTLE town with a torn ACL, no job, and nothing else to do? Is it possible to read two books a day instead of one? What if I move to the west coast now and look for a job when I get out there? Is this more about my knee; is this about being stuck?
It has been a long year. A year, which frankly could have been a lot worse if I let it, and more importantly if I didn't have the support and strength from my friends and family. It seems as though my time in grad school has been a lot harder than training for a single race a few months away, and with good reason. One declares you a master of your craft or field, while the other declares that you can run at your own pace for 13.1 miles-good for you. Regardless of the obvious truth, there is no better correlation in my life between continuing grad school and training for a race:
Exciting, arduous, painful, lonely, long, predictable, yet sometimes disconcerting, and personal.
While I have had incredible support this entire year, there is no other to say that grad school is personal. Just like everything in life that is tricky, or often unbearable, at the beginning of the day, it's you who has to get up and do it again, and it's you who has to say, "Not only can I do this damn thing, I will do this damn thing." A simple and tragically difficult truth that has taken me a year of brilliant external and intrapersonal conversations.
So, today's run was a bit distracted by fear. Fear of not making it up the hill because of a blown-out ACL (despite the incongruity of the dream having rain and today having puffy cumulus clouds floating in the sunshine).
Fear of getting stuck in my own rut. Fear of getting stuck here. Regardless of these fears though, today was beautiful, and last year was long and rough, but it was not impossible, because I did it. And you helped me do it. Guess NIKE was onto something with that slogan, "Just Do It," because I'm just gonna do it and be done with it. Dammit.
I think my weird dreams only help to fuel my non-stop self-chats. Whether I'm sleeping, running, working, reading, or even having a conversation with someone I am probably breaking down a dream from the night or even month before. Needless to say, it's beginning to get hard to get a word in edge-wise around this place.
As this is my first blog (ever) I would like to preface it by stating that I am starting this blog because I want to understand the next 365 days.
Today is July 4th. A day when America celebrates its independence and most importantly its freedom as a single, free nation. In a physical sense, I completely wasted today. I woke up late, ate breakfast--cottage cheese, blueberries, and a touch of honey. I watched a movie until the heat from the midday sun calmed down and then went for a run. Upon returning, I did yoga, had a quick shower, and have subsequently returned to the couch to watch the same movie again. (A talent that few people in my family can neither understand nor appreciate). For what it's worth, the movie is "I Am Number Four." All I can say is that I probably like ti because it's pop-culture science fiction with an American High School romance at the subplot; how could I not enjoy this movie!?
I was hoping that this run would help my head shut off for a while. If not an hour of mental silence, maybe a simple 20 minutes of nothing but the music in my ears.
Songs including, but not limited to:
The Horrible Crowes- Black Betty The Moon
Juelz Santana- There It Go (Whistle Song)
Aqualung- Something to Believe In
Tegan and Sara- Alligator
Obviously, my mind is a bit skewed as evidenced by running mix for the day.
I constantly think about the value of a day:
what it can hold
what it can give
what it can take
I think that there are many days in the last year that I wasted. I look back upon them, and I see more or less what I failed to give the day, and ultimately what I failed to take from the day.
Regardless, today is July 4th, and while America celebrates its independence, I am declaring mine.
